i’m sorry to disappoint you

My sister and I were talking about something that similarly upsets both of us: guns. And after agreeing we were equally annoyed, my sister then decided to turn our chat to a less controversial topic: spiralizers.

That is when I realized I have controversial opinions about spiralizers.

I just bought a spiralizer a few weeks ago. I know, for shame. I’m so late on the bandwagon your spiralizer is probably already rusting. How could I ignore all the posts on my Facebook about it? Just think of all the noodles I’ve forced my body to digest when it could have been digesting zucchini instead!

So yeah, I finally caved. My sister was the last to tell me how amazing it was. And then there was an eggplant “meatball” recipe I wanted to try that suggested pairing with zucchini noodles. I was already planning a shopping trip to Target that day, so why not check if they sold spiralizers while I was there. Of course they do, because Target and spiralizers are both part of the cool crowd. I mostly stick to CVS because it’s a block from my house and open 24/7, but CVS never has funny memes or Instagram posts about how much it’s loved. So sometimes I go to Target to feel cool (and obvs shop for all my stylish clothes). One day I’ll try shopping there in my pjs and full makeup to really experience it like the Instagram moms do.

I have severely digressed. But then again, you’re reading a blog about spiralizers…

Ok, I was really excited to finally be able quench my spiralizer FOMO with a carefully crafted zoodle photo to share with all of social media. As an added bonus, Tyler found out they cook in less than 5 minutes in the microwave. Honestly, what could be better than vegetables disguised as noodles that can be dinner in under five minutes?

Cooked, slathered in sauce and topped with veggie-ta-balls (don’t judge me, this was what Mason called them)…

And you know what? Zoodles taste like zucchini covered in pasta sauce. But instead of just slicing a zucchini with an ordinary knife, I spent an extra 10 minutes twisting it through a big plastic blade thing (that barely fits in my kitchen drawer when not in use).

I just don’t get it. Why don’t you just eat zucchini?

After having a discussion about it with my sister (where my sister basically just tried to further convince me of it’s amazingness while I told her I still wasn’t feeling it), I decided my biggest barrier to zoodle love is the fact that I don’t really eat a lot of noodles to begin with. So where most people feel like they’ve found a healthy alternative, I feel like I just spent more time prepping to eat the vegetables I would have eaten anyway.

Also, pasta sauce on zucchinis is gross. You can’t cut a zucchini into long hairs and suddenly make them taste like bland noodles ready for pasta sauce. They’re still the same vegetable, and that vegetable does not go with Alfredo. It’s like trying to cut up apple squares, pretending their basically tofu chunks, and dunking them in miso. Nope.

You know what, if you want to eat more delicious vegetables in new ways, mash your cauliflower with potatoes, or have a nice spaghetti squash. Now that’s a noodley vegetable that can actually pull it off. And it doesn’t even have to try. It just is noodley all on its own. That vegetable deserves to be sold at Target.

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