the she series: it’s all about balance

In my opinion, Mel has never been an ordinary mom. Or an ordinary anything for that matter. When I found myself as a single mom, Mel kick-started my love of dancing at clubs. At the time, she was a working mom of two kids under three, and I thought she was kind of crazy. I was also amazed that she really did seem to have a well-balanced life. (My two favorite memories are her love of astrological signs, and her trying to get me drunk on Red Bull.)

Fast-forward eight years; she is seriously the poster child for adulting and not adulting at the same time. She balances a job and motherhood, spending time with family and having “girls nights out,” being one with nature and partying in Vegas, supporting her husband’s company… and she does it all with the most sane perspective and calmness to her. It’s like her life is the ultimate yin and yang.

She also started a sweet blog, and wrote a post all about perspective, so you know she’s got some deep thoughts going.

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Teaching and Education

Being able to have the capability to grow a human inside you is pretty damn amazing. God knew that women would be badass enough to handle this HUGE part of human evolution. I take that shit with pride! Did I enjoy pregnancy? Not so much. At times it was wonderful, and times I got weirded out by all the little feet and hand ninja moves. THEN, this little alien comes out your body and that is sure as hell not glorious. And now we have to take care of it?

Motherhood is not easy, nor was it meant to be. It is a gift, and one of the biggest blessings I have in my life. It is also a challenge and a huge lesson. It’s a mix of emotions, and children often teach us as we are teaching them.

As for college, “Your mom goes to college!”

What I think is important is that a woman is always willing to learn. I don’t necessarily believe college indicates an ability to learn, or level of intelligence. Good Will Hunting anyone? Ok, that’s just a movie… But I know so many people who graduated from college and still work 9-5 at the same place I do. But they spent soooo much money and so much time to earn that diploma.

The ONLY downfall is this: if the woman is left in an unexpected position of suddenly becoming the breadwinner. Obviously, if she has the education behind her, she is more likely to find employment. But what if it’s been so long that she doesn’t remember everything? And with no prior job experience, it might be hard. What I think is as long as she has a badass attitude of trying to get her shit together—kicking ass and taking names—she will be able to do it.

Insecurities

I REALLY don’t think I’m all that and a bag of Hot Cheetos (mmmm), but I get told a lot that I am pretty. While this was something I have learned to be ok with, I am afraid that people only see me for that. I want to be KNOWN for who I AM as a person, the values I hold, and for how I treat others.

I am surrounded by women who “enhance” their physical appearance—eyelash extensions, microbladed eyebrows, lip injections, breast implants, liposuction, botox… It’s all maddening! I have this fight daily… My inner hippy wants to be free and live in the desert with no makeup and not give a shit, and the material me says I kinda like wearing makeup and getting dressed up. And I feel like I have to wear make-up and look good. It’s finding a balance between my own psyche and the world’s “expectations.” As I am getting older though, I am leaning more towards not giving a shit.

The other day a man argued with me about my company’s return policy, even though it was posted on the wall. He talked to me as if I were stupid, questioning my position and knowledge. I could feel him try to threaten me with his presence, leaning over the counter to talk down to me. I’m a short person, but I have little man syndrome—so come at me bro! He finally asked a male co-worker the same question, as if my co-worker would back him up because he also had a penis. My co-worker said the exact same thing I said (adding a “she is right”)—and the man magically listened! Never once apologizing to me.

I had a lot of angry thoughts coming through my head, but then I realized how sad he must be on the inside. He was an older man preying on a younger, smaller woman for some type of sick gratification brought on by his own insecurities. Pity.

Balance and Equality

The word “feminist” always puts me on the fence. I hate the idea of labels and conforming to one ideology. If I had to consider myself anything I’d like to be called a HUMANIST.

I believe that we should all be treated with the same love, respect, and kindness. I believe we should all be given chances if we pursue them. And not be shamed for trying, whatever our sex is.

There is a divine balance in our roles here on earth that we are meant to follow. I see power and strength is both sexes, and I believe we are stronger together when we are in harmony with each other.

Don’t get me wrong; we as a female race have been through some tough shit. Watching Game of Thrones the other day made me feel so blessed to live in the time and place I do. Men have dominated the world for too long, and I’m all for Women having their own power now.

But the thing that worries me is what if we suddenly fall in to the power hungry state that Men did, what would make us “better?” I think feminism (or any social label) will always have the good and the bad. Whatever you choose to identify with, what matters is that you are working towards a better world for ALL of us. We have to live in balance with each other, not against.

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