i fear i’m becoming a mom

I’ve sensed momhood has been creeping up for some time now. I remember back in the day (like five years ago) when my slogan for nightlife was: You can always sleep later. Now it’s more like: Let’s watch something short on Netflix so we can get to bed by 11:00.

Yesterday I convinced Mason and Milo to enter a clothing store in the city so that I could look around. Once inside, I found a handful of things to try on and headed to the dressing room.

It was there, staring at myself in the mirror, that I noticed I had absolutely no makeup on, and hadn’t even realized it until that very moment. Not that sans makeup alone puts everyone at mom status. But for me it was the tipping point into my new reality (possibly coupled with not fitting into the swimsuit I was trying on).

Along with the makeup that I honestly thought I had been wearing all day, I was also sporting a shirt with a hole in the elbow (that earlier at lunch I had proudly showed Tyler how I could roll it up so no one really noticed), a jacket with a button ripping off and holes in the sleeves (because, really HOW do people shop with babies?), and I’ve officially been in the “late 30s” category for a week now.

Speaking of babies, I also think I found one I don’t just like, but could possibly hold all day if I had nothing else to do. Even my own brain is bewildered by that statement. What kind of twisted version of myself have I become??

The mom version, that’s what kind.

I mean, what’s next? Sweatpants in public and reading Oprah’s magazine?

It’s a good thing I have Snapchat to keep me from really crossing the line.


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