You know that time Kristen Bell saw a sloth in real life? I can totally relate to that video because Tyler thinks it’s hilarious to find the cutest animals online and then make me stare at them until I may or may not have tears in my eyes. Do you know that feeling? Or at least have seen the sloth video I linked to…
Ok, so now I can explain how I feel when I look at Arlo sometimes. It’s weird, I know. Believe me, I have no idea how I can like a baby either. But I do! Sometimes I feel like I love him so much I want to squeeze him like that Looney Tunes girl who loved animals. Maybe it’s because I’m with him so much. Like Stockholm syndrome towards a baby.
But here’s the kicker. Next week I am supposed to be starting back at work full speed. That means the tiny human I’ve been stuck with almost 24/7 for the last four months (plus prego time) I will be leaving for almost 10 hours a day. And I know it’s only two or three days a week, which is totally doable, but it’s just such a big change, and I’m feeling so caught off guard about how stressed out I feel.
What if he refuses to continue the nap schedule we’ve been working on these last couple of weeks? How well am I going to function on the sleep I currently get? How grumpy am I going to be with people at work because of my sleep? Will I be able to still live without caffeine? Or can I start drinking it now without affecting Arlo through nursing? Speaking of nursing, how is pumping at work going to go? Should I just give up and start feeding him formula while I’m gone?
Mostly I think of these questions and instantly wonder how moms leave their babies after only three months, and are gone full time. And I am now more understanding of how totally insane the standard maternity leave here is. (Maternity leave could be an entire blog post on it’s own, but we’re here to talk about my problems people!)
So now that I’ve gotten out some of my anxiety about swapping baby time for office time, here are some positives helping me cope.
For the first month Arlo will have an equally awesome caretaker, thanks to Tyler getting a [whopping] 15 days of paternity leave. (Once again, an entire blog post for paternity…) And he has two very loving brothers that come home in the afternoon to keep him company too. At work I’m planning to sit on chat all day waiting for Tyler to send me photos of Arlo doing cool things. Like laying on the bed. Or laying on his play mat. Or laying propped up by the boppy pillow.
What I do not want Tyler to send me is a photo or video of Arlo rolling over. Because he has gotten very close to doing it over the last few days, and so help me if I miss one of his baby milestones during 1/3 of the week I happen to be away.
But yep, all ok over here. Totally ready to go back to work.