an anti-ode to allergies

At the beginning of July this year I decided to try a Chinese “tea” to cure my allergies. “It worked for your cousin,” my parents promised. “I don’t have allergies anymore,” my sister claimed. “Maybe it will work for food allergies,” the magic unicorn in my head thought.

I drank this mixture of cut up tree branches, miscellaneous plant parts and bugs–twice a day for 7 weeks. Yes, it had bugs in it. I would have never known, given they were packed separately in some sort of inner tea bag…but one accidentally ripped and revealed it’s secret ingredient. So I really do hate my allergies that much that I’m willing to choke down a mysterious tea with dead bugs for two months. And when I say choke down, I mean it.

My sister told me it was imperative I drink the whole cup in one gulp, or I’d never get it down. Seriously, she was so right. The first time I drank it I stopped halfway through to breathe and the rest of the mug I couldn’t swallow without gagging it back out. By the end I had mastered the art of drinking this tea: cool to room temperature to allow gulping, have a piece of mint gum at the ready, use a bag clip to plug my nose, and consume with a straw to limit tea contact to taste buds.

Now here I am, September 3, enjoying my second week of fall allergies. Realizing the bug tea was all for naught. Wondering what I have done wrong to account for these fall allergies in my life (that only began last year).

I started the morning with a daily dose of allergy medicine, followed a few hours later by nasal spray (my second least favorite allergy remedy after the tea). Yet here I am. Sitting at my desk typing through watery tears, blowing my nose every 30-45 seconds.

If you have a more magical cure for this than Chinese tea, I’m all ears.

While I wait for your reply I’m going to take a Benadryl and knock myself out.

[the battleground below my desk]



3 thoughts on “an anti-ode to allergies

  1. So discouraging! I wish I could share a magical cure with you. What’s the best thing you LOVE to consume? Go with that. At least your soul will be happy.

  2. Oh my that tea sounds like a cruel joke children play! “If you (insert weird thing to ingest here), you’ll have super strength” while the other kids giggle in the background!

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