one day, i felt totally lost

Actually it was a succession of days, but I can’t really pinpoint how many of them there were. Sunday I remembered those days. Or not even really the days so much, as the person. Some days I remember those days as a haze. Like I was standing dead center in the middle of a tornado, everything around me unbelievable and swirling faster than I could figure out, but me in the middle on pause – not sure what to do. Sometimes I still feel like that actually, only the spinning seems to have slowed a bit.

All last week I tried to think about how I felt. I couldn’t tell if I felt any sadder. I sometimes don’t know if I moved on from saddness too quickly, or if I’m in some way wadding through it, though just not as deep as I once was. Sometimes I wonder if I should cry about it more. I didn’t cry Sunday. Then I came to a peaceful conclusion. Saddness and missing someone don’t have to go hand in hand. I can miss him as much as I did the last night I laid beside him and dreamed I heard his voice. But I can still be happy in my life.

And I can be sad when I want. And think of other things when I want. And still not be ready to look at pictures of the funeral if I want.

I saw this card the other day, and thought it captured my feelings on life completely.


Also, this is such a nice song, and I just wanted to share it.


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