journal time

You know what. Sometimes I hate my life. This is one of those times. Probably just having a down moment, most likely just tired of school and everything else in my life. Either way, the thought is there. Most people think this at some point or other right? “Life sucks today.”

You know what I think after I decide to hate my life momentarily? Why is this my life? Really? I’m supposed to be able to figure this out? What am I supposed to learn from this?

And I hope someday I will figure it out. Someday I’ll know exactly what it is I’m supposed to be learning.

I once read something in a book that said to question God was to give the idea that you thought He was wrong. And God is never wrong. I think that is something that has helped me. But, although I know He’s never wrong, so I don’t question that what He did was part of a bigger plan, I just wonder how long it will take before I understand too.

And that is when I go back to: I hate my life right now. It’s confusing and tiring and stressful and busy. And when I realize how much of my day is given to driving to Provo and back it makes me annoyed.

But you know what – it is also great.

I have two very wonderful boys. Yes, they are boys and they are crazy and they fight and they make messes and they complain. But they tell me they love me and they are mostly obedient and they do well in school and they have no trouble making friends and they are sweet.

And I live in one of the most wonderful neighborhoods ever, even if it is far away from school. And that fact that I have been fortunate enough to stay in my house and not have to work while I attend school and I have family that helps babysit for me and I know deep down things will be ok and that I haven’t been forgotten and that even though I don’t know why, there is a why and someday I will know what it is. And someday I will learn how to throw a football so I can teach my boys. And I will also learn how to tie a tie.

Well, there is now a whole lot of rambling going on. I will stop now.


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